Tuesday, October 6, 2009
secret fantasy
i have a secret fantasy where i pack up everything of value to me, sell the rest (or give it away), and hit the open road in search of truth, beauty, and peace. i'm not sure if this is a subconscious desire to run away from reality or if it is just my idealism coming through. the fact that i believe that truth, beauty and peace could be found through such an abandonment of responsibilty says a lot about why i often feel that i have failed to reach my full potential. you may note that a lot of artists, writers and musicians have felt that they found (or could find) a better life by chucking it all and starting over somewhere new. but it would also be worth mentioning that many of these individuals were either alcoholics, suffering from chronic mental illness, or both. what does that say about me? could be chronic unhappiness, could be peter-pan syndrome, or....ironically, i could just be normal.
Monday, October 5, 2009
quarter-life
the idea of the quarter-life crisis is a hotly debated one. is it real? can it be defined? or are we simply a generation of perpetual adolescents looking for yet another excuse as to why we cannot be happy with our lives?
i don't know the answer. but i am familiar with the concept. i feel like i have done everything that was expected of me. i met all the requirements for average. i graduated high school with good, though not spectacular grades. grades good enough to get me into a good, though not spectacular college. i worked for 4 years to become an intellectual, a college graduate, and most importantly, employable. i found post-college employment and, though it was not the job i had expected, it was a foot in the door in corporate america, something that i was supposed to want, something that was on the list of the "right" things to do, right in between graduate college and open a 401k. i must have thought that everything would simply fall into place because i had done everything i was told to do. if you follow the directions, the end result should look just like the one on the box right?
not exactly.
at one time in my life, not so very long ago, i had an idea of what i wanted out of life and believed, however misguided, that adulthood would be the same as college-life, only with steady income, a better living situation, and less alcohol.
there is less alcohol, that is true. i don't have time to drink like i did in college. but other than that, things just have not been what i expected. i feel lost, apathetic, and hopeless and often find myself wishing more than anything that i was a college student again.
so this is where i am at. this is my story. i can think of no good reason why i am sharing it other than a slight, secret hope that perhaps putting it out there for you to see will somehow produce a solution.
i don't know the answer. but i am familiar with the concept. i feel like i have done everything that was expected of me. i met all the requirements for average. i graduated high school with good, though not spectacular grades. grades good enough to get me into a good, though not spectacular college. i worked for 4 years to become an intellectual, a college graduate, and most importantly, employable. i found post-college employment and, though it was not the job i had expected, it was a foot in the door in corporate america, something that i was supposed to want, something that was on the list of the "right" things to do, right in between graduate college and open a 401k. i must have thought that everything would simply fall into place because i had done everything i was told to do. if you follow the directions, the end result should look just like the one on the box right?
not exactly.
at one time in my life, not so very long ago, i had an idea of what i wanted out of life and believed, however misguided, that adulthood would be the same as college-life, only with steady income, a better living situation, and less alcohol.
there is less alcohol, that is true. i don't have time to drink like i did in college. but other than that, things just have not been what i expected. i feel lost, apathetic, and hopeless and often find myself wishing more than anything that i was a college student again.
so this is where i am at. this is my story. i can think of no good reason why i am sharing it other than a slight, secret hope that perhaps putting it out there for you to see will somehow produce a solution.
Monday, September 15, 2008
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